Lockdown Journal Day 1: Uncomfortable truths

On Friday, 27th March 2020, I woke up to a quiet and gentle morning in Hilton, KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa.

It was the first day of South Africa’s 21-day lockdown.

For me, the last couple of weeks have been full of ups and downs. All the emotions flowing through. Many times I have thought of the uncomfortable truths this crisis uncovers; unprepared and under-funded public healthcare systems; the deep inequalities in all societies across the world; the need for meaningful, compassionate leadership; how greed is raping our Earth; our illusions of security; our deepest desires for things to change. The list could go on. These things were here all along, but they were easy to push aside in the day-to-day ordinariness of being busy.

I sit here writing this in my warm and safe home. A big green garden outside. Running water. Electricity. Unlimited wifi. Cupboards and fridge full. My privilege makes me feel deeply uneasy. Deeply uncomfortable. Deeply sad. 

And in the quiet of being less busy, I begin to explore these feelings. I ask myself how I would like the world to be. What I would be willing to sacrifice to make it so. What next. How can I live more consciously, more ethically, more equally, more simply, more sustainably. What changes can I make. Where do we go from here. What does it look and feel like. My mind, my world experience, don’t have the answers. But I feel this may be the beginning of meaningful change, or at least my heart hopes. Quietly, gently, softly, with courage and love, I follow my heart, because it knows the way.

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